Once we were ravers

I just found this article I wrote as Miss Hope Eternal. I just thought I'd share.
It is now three years old. I wrote it three months after the birth of my twin girls at which time I was beginning to show signs of post natal depression.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

It's just gone 8pm & like most single mothers i'm half cut & bored. Thank god my mobiles gone dead & I cant find the charger or i'd be in shit by the morning!

I was looking back over my hedonistic past & remembering how much I got pissed off that:
1. I lived in the party flat & I was forced to stay up forever
2. I couldnt get to my bed with ease for nearly 2yrs because the sound system took up all the quilt
3. I couldnt find my shoes because they were hidden under 3000 white label techno records
4. My phone wouldnt stop ringing from thursday to monday
5. I kept losing jobs cos I wasn't straight enough to do a days work
6. Everyone smoked my fags
7. No one believed me when I said I wanted something different/some structure
8. My boyfriend was a waster

Now, 3 years down the line & all that remains of that life is:
1. 4 brain cells
2. a CD mixer & 100 dodgy vinyl
3. A secret taste for Buckfast
4. 50 crumpled flyers I refused to roach

Now my life consists of:
1. Endless structure & routine
2. Bills that I have no outlet to ignore
3. black market fags
4. Limewire (cos you can't get a double buggy in ANY FUCKING RECORD SHOP)
5. Good Shoes that have no where or no one to walk on
6. Near romantic misses with christians & Paedophiles

If I could find a balance I would:
1. Be out right now, having it large or at least a double JD
2. Be Julie Andrews Mon - Fri, Betty Page Sat - Sun
3. Have friends / bloke that could mix responsiblity with irresponsibility

Basically I dont dance to Techno anymore & for a long time I didnt think i'd ever miss it, but right now, as the X Factor dominates my telly I'd kill for a meaningless conversation with an fresher on E & pounding basslines & the enevitable 16 hr sit.

Being a mother is one of the best things that ever happened to me, being an ex waster is the hardest transistion I've ever had to make.

Role on the mid life crisis, lifes to short to be good all the time.

You can see my old blog and photos here:
http://hopeeternal69.blogspot.com/